Hey everyone! Welcome back to our next post about self care. I want to talk about the idea of women always needing to have it together. WE WILL NEVER ALWAYS HAVE EVERYTHING TOGETHER FOR EVERYONE ELSE UNTIL WE TAKE CARE OF US. Reread that a few times, if you need to. You cannot fill everyone’s cup if yours is always empty. Being a woman is one of the most beautiful traits I can experience and its undeniably tough. Growing up, I sometimes had a hard time with female friendships. I absolutely had friends, but there was so much I didn’t understand about girls because I wasn’t exposed the same. Let’s be real, sometimes I was excluded or felt out of the loop while seeing other groups of girls just meshing so well. Recently, after experiencing enough drama with girls and failing to wedge myself into a tight, trusting circle, I practically threw my hands up in surrender and concluded that any real, meaningful girl friendships were not going to come if they haven’t stuck already.
Ever feel like that? Maybe you really want some friends who share your faith in Jesus and don’t leave you out on Friday night. Maybe you want a friend you can come to and talk to about your thoughts without having to explain yourself or have the story get flipped and become about them. Maybe you’re sick of clans and drama just like I am. I really really am, y’all. We are too old for it. Maybe competition and comparison have squished your desire to get to know someone. I’m starting to learn however that all women hit “friendship rock bottom” at some point (even the ones with beautiful, happy beach, greek sign throwing pictures plastered all over their feeds) because people are people and life is hard.
That being said, you’re never actually lonely when you think about it. I like to look at myself as if I am a strong, confident, strong willed, determined, funny, positive, God fearing girl, but let’s face it, all of us have those days we’re cranky, worrisome, and down right down. I’m not a social media profile or just this blog or even a nice person always. I’m a human with feelings. To be honest, majority of the time too many feelings and sometimes I just collapse. I’m not an athletic girl. I’m a girl who picks her body apart when jeans are just too snug all of a sudden. I’m not just a girl friend, I’m also a woman who committed her life to a man but who still struggles with loneliness sometimes. It’s tough asking for help and tough saying “I’m needy” or “I miss you” because it comes off clingy, which society has taught us is negative. I don’t know why, but we place ourselves and others in categories and slightly automatize other women based on the boxes they’ve checked in their own life. “Oh that girl is christian? She must be such a good girl and so kind.” “She fit? She must work out so much and gets so much attention.” “In a relationship? She must not be lonely and they must have the perfect connection 24/7”.
Seriously, cut that nonsense out. Why do we create a story about someone based on the couple things we see? Based off the snap shot they WANT us to see. Why do we box ourselves into categories and isolate ourselves from the world when it gets different or gets out of our comfort zone?
Let’s look at it like this. Yes, I try to stay in shape and go out of my way to watch what I eat, but that doesn’t mean I’m never tempted to cross the line and starve myself again. Yes, I am a God fearing, Jesus following, christian girl, but that doesn’t mean I don’t question God’s timing and choices sometimes when I don’t understand. Yes, I’m in a great relationship, but that doesn’t mean I have never felt completely alone. My own insecurities petrify me in my own head and I fall into a lonely spot, constricting my trust and heart behind high steel walls. And I think we all do. Loneliness is so much more than being single or lacking a rad social circle like all of the cool post on IG. It’s a deeper issue that I just want to dig in and be more real about it. I want to be able to say “I’m just lonely today” without some girl with no sense of self worth tell me “its a cry for attention and help” Sleeping around with every guy in every social circle you come across, for example is a cry for help, not just realizing you’re a strong woman and you don’t fit the role everyone thinks.
Girlfriend, you are not made to be pigeonholed based on the external glimpses of your life. You can still be radiant and positive and cheerful, but have your angry days, Lastly, you’re allowed to be broken and lonely and human and not judged for it. Because that’s real life and that’s why ALL of us crazy, always-imperfect, and sometimes happy but lonely females need Jesus. Ladies, lets stick together to build ourselves up, our men up, our children up, and our fellow ladies up and together we can all feel a little less lonely.
**If you feel lonely or feel like you don’t have anyone on your team, I want to be. Come to me, let me listen; become part of a team together. You are not alone. You have Jesus and now you have me.